THE TEN URBANITE COMMANDMENTS FOR GOOD PARENTING

1. Thou shalt not shout and swear at thy children in public

2. Remember thy child's name before opening your mouth to address them

3. Thou shalt not fart or make unpleasant noises whilst eating

4. Thou art not always right... until your children are old enough to realise that actually you are!

5. Understand your children grow up and change your treatment of them accordingly

6. Thou shalt not repeat thyself

7. Learn to use thy mobile phones and computers

8. Thou shalt deliver your stories succinctly and at appropriate times

9. Remember - thy children are not always hungry

10. Thou shalt not depart this world until we've told you we love you.