July saw the last "fame" exercise on Urban Life, our light-hearted twist on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. Since we started this year we have banished ten loathsome famous people to the jungle - and we were going to just leave them there and forget about them, but then thought "where's the fun in that?!"
We asked you to devise a "jungle challenge" for them (more of a punishment really), which could be as nasty and as offensive as you liked!! We gave you two options - you could choose a group punishment that everyone endures together, or you could chose to nominate an individual for a bespoke punishment.
In total, 47% chose a group punishment, 21% chose an individual punishment and 32% were so sick of the celebrities in question that they skipped the exercise!
GROUP CHALLENGES
The majority of the group challenges you suggested involved forcing the famous people to eat disgusting and inedible things, ranging from witchety grubs and kangaroo testicles to animal poo and dog vomit! We particularly liked the invention of "a cupful of blended mixture of slugs, bugs, sour milk and mouldy tuna". And "bobbing for apples in poo". Others suggested that they turn cannibal and just eat eachother!
Some of the challenges were particularly cruel, calculated and evil. And we liked that. The suggestions that made us laugh the most are below:
"'Recover stars from a very deep muddy pool infested with electric eels, pirahna, venomous snakes (toxicity no less than Black Mamba, preferably higher) and crocodiles. Could you genetically alter some Great White Sharks to live in fresh water just for this event. To get to the pool they have to walk across lava streams and through dense thorn bushes (need the scent of blood for the pirahna)"
"All the men have to urinate in the water and the winner is the one that doesn't end up with one of those fish up his urethra. The womens' challenge involves their favourite cosmetic being hung just out of reach over an open cesspit. The only way they can get hold of it is by all working together and having to get into the pit. However the catch is that there's only enough for one of them. Hopefully the ensueing catfight would lead to multiple fatalities. P.S.that was really satisfying thinking up those challenges, thank you"
"Peter Andre has to "dispose" of his jungle mates by a different method. Each method is taught to him by some local tribesman, I'm thinking poisioned blow pipes and accidental tiger maulings. After each "disposal" he then has to cook a part of their body to the unsuspecting remaining jungle mates - without them realising what they are eating. Once the last jungle mate has "disappeared" he is set free from this jungle hell. Only to find that he has been left all alone, where he will fend for himself on coconuts and singing "mysterious girl" till his head explodes"
"The group shall have a large meal consisting of nothing but sweetcorn and peanuts. When it comes to taking a dump they all crap in a bucket. Mix up the ten turds and smear the shit cocktail all over their naked bodies, then unleash ten thousand huge hungry bluebottles"
"Three weeks working on the checkouts at the local supermarket. Oh, they're in the jungle, the nearest must be miles away. Make them walk!"
"Must all have sex with each other and then "discuss"!"
"Have you seen Battle Royale the film? Set them free and let them at each other!"
"To put them in the jungle for a month, but with no cameras, so they think that the public will be watching them, but when they come out, no one will care what they have been up to!"
INDIVIDUAL CHALLENGES
George W. Bush was singled-out by around half of those who opted for an individual punishment. But in the interests of fairness, we have picked the best punishments you suggested for each of the ten banished.
George W. Bush
nominated by 44% of those who chose "individual punishment"
"The challenge is: to sit in with a group of genius level children (aged 5-10) and have a geography contest to see who can point out all the countries in the world, then write/spell correctly the names onto the map. This is actually a challenge and a punishment!"
Victoria Beckham
nominated by 9% of those who chose "individual punishment"
"To sing the American national anthem at the next Superbowl and then escape without being pelted by 250,000 half-eaten hamburgers" or "To go for a whole 24 hours without pouting"
Abi Titmus
nominated by 7% of those who chose "individual punishment"
"Keep your clothes on for 10 seconds in a room full of flashing cameras"'
Michael Jackson
nominated by 7% of those who chose "individual punishment"
"See how many centipedes he could stuff up his nose before it fell off!"
Rebecca Loos
nominated by 7% of those who chose "individual punishment"
"I think it"s time she learns to just say no to a man and realise that not all men are pigs that need "milking"! So I think she should be locked in a room and forced to constantly say no every 10 seconds while men constantly offer themselves to her - if she falters or fails in anyway she should be forced to take a vow of silence...."
Jodie Marsh
nominated by 7% of those who chose "individual punishment"
"Just to live without make up and hair styling products. Apart from looking absolutely ridiculous with no eyebrows, she would probably go mad within days"
Jade Goody
nominated by 7% of those who chose "individual punishment"
"Enter her into the American Spelling Bee competition..."
Paris Hilton
nominated by 5% of those who chose "individual punishment"
"Scrub the jungle toilet floor clean until it shines like the marble steps of the Ritz Hotel! Oh and your bodyguards can't remove anyone in there like they do at present. Watch those finger nails …"
Peter Andre
nominated by 3% of those who chose "individual punishment"
"Not allow him to work out, and force-feed him fatty foods so he loses his 6 pack. Watch him cry as his spare tyre grows and grows!"
Jordan
nominated by 2% of those who chose "individual punishment"
"I'd make her have those breasts minimised to a 32A and see how much press coverage she gets then!"'
